Toilet!

         

         No, this is not a review of the movie ‘Toilet’! It is not a post about the problems that many people, especially women, who do not have access to closed toilets, face. Having access to closed toilets is definitely a basic condition to living. Living in safety and living in hygienic condition. When we travel by road many of us I am sure have at least once, if not more, come across such a situation where we have found no proper place to relieve our self. Women especially face this problem. These days, however, one does find highway resorts where there are proper toilets. But such was not the case about say 10-15 years back. Imagine, when we get so frustrated and angry for just this one day, what women who have to face this problem day in and day out must be going through! I hope the situation improves and closed toilets become a norm and not remain a topic for movies and documentaries.

            My post is from a slightly different angle, though it too has to do with toilets. Many urbanites today face problems when they may have to use Indian toilets in the absence of western ones. Since most houses come with western toilets, people find it difficult to squat. Our children especially are so used to western style toilets that when they see the Indian type it leaves them bewildered and also in awe of them! When my daughter saw this style for the first time she just couldn’t stop gaping at the open structure and wondering as to how does one relieve oneself in it! She was very hesitant to enter. It took her quite a couple of road trips and public toilets to get the hang of it!

          A few months back she had gone on a school trip to Bal Bhawan in Delhi. When I asked her how was the trip the first thing that she had to tell me was about the toilets there! Here is what she narrated to me. “Mumma, you know what! We all wanted to use the toilet, so our ma’m asked us to stand in a queue and use the toilet one by one. Now there were two toilets Mumma, one Indian style and the other Western. Everyone was crowding in front of the western toilet. There was no queue for the Indian toilet. So I quickly went inside the Indian one and relieved myself. All my other friends had to stand in the cue because many of them did not know how to use the Indian toilet!”

       

       She could not contain her excitement! And I could not but feel extremely amused at her excitement and feeling of achievement. I too felt glad that I had encouraged her on many trips and occasions to try and use the Indian styled toilets because one never knows when you might have to use one, especially while travelling in India.

       While I congratulated her over her achievement and told her that now she was ready for travelling anywhere in India, what struck me about this whole incident was how using an Indian toilet was not much of an issue for us but it was like an adventure and feeling of triumph for my daughter!  And that which was a matter of fact for us and a sense of adventure and triumph for our children still remains to become a reality for many in our country…

Confessions of two women.

A couple of weeks back two women, one a friend and the other an aunt, confessed to me. The friend is a 'working mom' and has a very busy schedule and travels quite often. The aunt is a retired professor.

The friend, me and another friend were at a wedding chatting over dinner and sharing how as mothers of young children we don't get much rest and how much we desire for those few moments of peaceful sleep. Me and the other friend were whining about how we don't get much of a break from household and outdoor chores, or time to relax etc.etc. The friend aka 'working mom' was very sympathetic towards our plight. In return for her sympathy I expressed my concern over how she manages both work and home and saluted her. She said it's tough BUT she made a confession! " You know what Chaitali it is tough but those few hours that I get while travelling are the most relaxing times for me! I get a good nap and feel fresh! Without them it would be tough!"

I must confess I felt very jealous of those few moments of relaxation and pictured her resting on the flight and waking up all refreshed! The friend saw the green glint in my eyes. She came closer to me and whispered mischevously " Don't tell anyone that I said this! Keep my confession anonymous! I want to cherish those few hours!"

Dear friend I have kept you anonymous but I had to share your honest confession.

The second confession came from  my husband's aunt who was visiting us. We were at the dinner table and I had made some baked food items. The aunt and her husband were appreciating my cooking. The aunt then asked me if I  cooked regularly. I said no and that I have a cook for the regular cooking but I do pitch in with the special dishes. At first I thought (like many from my generation do when we feel guilty for not being like our mums who never kept cooks and did their our own cooking) she was about to say (like many from her generation usually say) that she does her own cooking and has not kept a cook even at this age. BUT I was in for a surpirse and another confession!

The aunt said that she too had a cook when she was teaching at the University. However when she and her husband (also a professor) retired she decided to take up the cooking and do away with the cook. Initially it was going good but then gradually she realised that while her husband was relaxing and reading his newspaper over a cup of morning tea, she was busy in the kitchen preparing breakfast. She leaned forward, lowered her voice and confessed that this was not something that she was enjoying. In the same lowered tone she said " I thought to myself...why should I be cooking in the kitchen after my retirement and my husband relaxing after his retirement... especially, when both of us were in the same profession!" She leaned back with a conteneded smile and announced in her usual tone that from that day onwards she re-hired her cook and decided to enjoy her retirement too.

Two women, belonging to two different generation, in two different phases of their lives but both make their confessions on how they have kept their spirits high and RELAXED!

Thank you friend and aunt for your honest confessions! 

Making the Kill.

To become an individual we have to "kill" all the other little individuals that live within us. What I mean is that we are socially conditioned to let go of our individuality. In the process we begin to imbibe the personalities, emotions, values of all those around who we grow up. And then in our adult life we tend to live our lives through these individual beings. That uniqueness with which we were born is buried somewhere deep beneath these layers of personalities/individuals. But our uniqueness never gives up. It keeps throwing out rays of light even from beneath those layers. To become completely our own individual self we need to "kill" all those other layers of individuals within us. These  individual characteristics that we have saved in us can be those of our parents, siblings, guardians, friends, mentors, teachers etc.

When I say "kill" I mean we have to let go of these borrowed individual selves that we have within us. We have to begin to listen to our individual being for our philosophy, passion, experience, values, likes and dislikes and an overall vision of living life will be very different from the other individual selves that we have held close to our heart for a long time. I am not saying that their is anything wrong with the way others think or believe but it might not be what our self requires.

It is very difficult to set our self off from what we have been tuned into believing or being for so long. Because in doing so we will be thrown into a completely different world all together. This world can be totally different from what we have been used to living, it can be something that for years we have denied or have considered as unsuitable for us, it can be a world where our interests, values, likes and dislikes will become exactly the opposite with which we have grown up! One might feel fearful, anxious, nervous, sad. But it will be you and you all the way through. The thought of becoming someone who we have always turned away from or doing something that has been considered as conventional, backdated or outrageous and unorthodox might just be that which we really are or want to do. To embrace this being with all our heart and to let go of all that we are not is the greatest step towards being truly liberated. For this individual is you and not someone else playing through you.

God has created us all with a mind and heart of our own, with a will of our own. To live life according to that will, that heart and that mind is the most joyous and spirited thing that we can do. And to do this the one thing that we really need to embrace is humility. I say humility because when we realise that we have been living our lives through those accumulated layers of individuals our ego sets in to hold us back from taking that one step forward by making us feel guilty and ashamed of doing something different. Sometimes we are afraid or feel sad to let go of certain things or ways of thinking and living because we have learnt them, acquired them from people who have been close to us, have guided us and helped us grow up. We are afraid to let them down. But if we can humbly acknowledge all these individual selves through which we have so far lived as well as accept the self that we now want to live with we have already made a huge leap in our being.

Watching Kkrish 3

Krrish 3 was awesome. It had all the ingredients of a super hero movie. Great special effects, good story line, lovely stunts! I just loved the movie. Hrithik has done a superb job! He plays the two characters of father and super hero to the best. One truly feels they are two different actors doing two different roles! Ah! And Vivek Oberoi as the evil Kaal was really evil! If you like masala movies and want to see how technology has made its way into bollywood movie you must watch it. Krrish 3 is what a super hero movie should be like- super natural powers, extra-ordinary happenings, the age-old good vs evil  and at the same time human emotions, feelings and science.  Special effects were mind blowing but the fight scenes between Kkrish and the evil Kaal could have been edited a bit though.

What I loved about the movie besides the neat and clean story line and special effects and of course Hrithik Roshan is the wonderful blend of science, fiction and the spiritual. The movie ends with a note on how everything is but energy and every thing be it matter or mass is made of energy. The soul is nothing but energy which never dies but keeps moving from one body to another.  The entire Universe is always in the process of emitting and transferring energy from one form to another. So when Rohit Mehra the scientist father of Krrish sacrifices his life to bring back his son back to life he assures Krrish that no one ever truly dies, for energy can never die but only takes on another form and continues to live in another body, another matter, another being. Rohit Mehra with the help of the sun and his energy transforming scientific invention- a pen which beeps when the sun’s rays are brought to concentrate on a focal point- filters and transfers both his and the energy derived from the sunlight (which are but one!) to his dying son and becomes a part of him! 

However there was one thing that disappointed me or perhaps I am expecting too much! In the end Kkrish (or in his more mortal form Krishna) and his wife become proud parents of a baby boy and conclude with the assurance that their father lives on in their child too. Now here is where Kkrish 3 having crossed the barrier of using super special effects, technology and great fictional script could have really moved way way ahead of other Bollywood movies. The baby born to Kkrish and his wife could have been a female child rather than a male child. For if all we are but energy transformed from nature to soul to matter then the energy need not always take a male form. The makers could have really brought out the core essence of their theme of energy, transformation, life and death and continuity by depicting the transfer of energy into a new born female child. I personally feel that given the immense creative potential of cinema in invoking/provoking the thought process of its viewers, this, could have been a very innovative step towards breaking  the age old barrier of Gender bias that still dominates Bollywood movies. Perhaps the reason they did not do it is because we are still in awe of our larger than life super female goddesses and not yet ready for a more down to earth female super hero???!!!  

But kudos to Kkrish 3 for bringing together a wonderful blend of movie, entertainment, technology, science, fiction and spiritual into one powerful package!

PART II... Do You Truly Love Yourself?

I have decided not to write a sequel to this post because I feel that if one sits down to write how  then the list can be never ending. Each one of us will have different experiences to narrate and  if we have an unloved self in us then we will end up identifying our self with these experiences. But what is really required is to find some time for us and sit quietly and go deep into our own self and find the experiences that have troubled us. Each one of us will have a unique experience and to go through this experience is what is important. To go through all the feelings that arise within us during these moments of deep solitude and communicate with our past emotions, experiences is what will unlock the key to our closed and clamped hearts. We have to identify our own feelings, we have to experience our own emotions. 

Lot of our emotions get unattended to in our growing up years. We need to attend to them and not just feel burdened, saddened, angered or victimized by them.  If  we don’t attend to them now then we will keep projecting our fears and insecurities on to others. Then we are not living the present but living in the past with past memories and emotions. To live in the present we have to release the  past emotions that have disturbed us and gradually let go of them otherwise we will be merely reacting out of habit rather than responding from the present moment. Habitual reactions can never ever be solutions to any problems. They are just plain and ordinary reactions which we repeat irrespective of the situation.

The interesting part about habitual reactions is that we connect all situations to our fears, insecurities and anxieties. In all situations we find ourselves as victims. The reason being we have been unable to come out of our past victimized selves and we relive our past through or in the present situations. Our actions are not tuned to responding but to reacting through habit.

To love our self we need to be creative… to be creative we have to respond… to respond we have to let go of reactions and habits. When you respond to a situation you are actually creating an emotion, action which is in the present. And being creative is what brings immense love for the creator and for the creation who/which is none but you!