More than 66 years back a nation full of people had fought
for Independence. What was this struggle for independence all about? It was about Freedom. Freedom from colonial
rule, freedom from oppression, freedom for democracy. But above all it was for
freedom of expression.
That was 66 years back… a nation’s struggle for its right to
express. Today as I stand here as a
citizen of that very nation and as a parent of a four year old I would like to
share with all of you what I feel is the importance of this right to expression
in our as well as our childrens’ lives.
A little boy falls down while playing. He starts to cry. His
parent rushes to pick him up. The parent, sometimes lovingly and sometimes
sternly says to the little crying boy “don’t cry, you are a brave boy, brave
boys don’t cry.” Another scenario: A
little girl is playing, exploring ways to balance on the see-saw beam or
standing on the swing and swinging or going too fast on the merry-go-round. The
parent is constantly warning her not to do these actions. The little girl still
keeps repeating them and at one time falls and hurts herself. She starts to
cry. The parent rushes to her and picks her up trying to figure out if the
child has been seriously hurt or not. As the parent does this he/she keeps on telling
to the little girl. “I told you so. You didn’t listen to me. Now see you have
got hurt. That is what happens for not listening. What is the point of crying
now. Stop crying like a baby and next
time don’t do like this.”
Crying is the most natural way of expressing pain, grief,
sadness. Let the child relieve himself/herself of the pain then and there
instead of bottling it up under the garb of bravery or reprimanding
disobedience, only to return later as rage and anger. When a child is hurt and
is crying he or she is expressing his or her emotions through the most natural
way. Let us allow our children to cry and do what is most natural to humans
when they get hurt or are in pain.
Let our children
express. For the more they express the more clear they are of their own
emotions. If they are afraid let them express the fear, if they are angry let
them express the anger, if they are upset let them express the reason for being
so, if they are not in consent with you let them express their dissent. Don’t
stop the child from laughing aloud even when you find no reason behind it,
don’t stop the child from loudly expressing his/her opinion for you will only
muffle his/her voice further. Let them sing when they want to sing, let them
dance when they want to dance. As a parent we will have to sacrifice sometimes
to give our children that space. But then so did our freedom fighters sacrifice
their lives for a nation where we could express ourselves and not live in
oppression.
A couple of days back my daughter got angry with me for not
allowing her to watch Tv beyond a stipulated time. She got very upset and angry
and told me that I was very bad and she did not like me at all. I let her be
upset and angry for I would too if I were a child who was asked to switch off
Tv while watching my favourite programme! A few days later when I made one of
her favourite dish she looked up at me with a smile and said “ Mumma I love you
very much but there are times when I don’t and I get very angry with you!” I
was surprised and elated, both at the same time, when I heard this. I was not
upset but instead felt a sense of deep relief and joy to know that my little
daughter was able to understand her emotions and express it as well. A quality
if developed further would help her in growing up as a wholesome individual who
is aware of her emotions and self.
When our freedom fighters fought for the freedom of our
nation they were just not fighting for the end of colonial rule but they had a
larger vision in mind. A vision which they knew had to be gradually worked
towards. The vision of a democratic nation where freedom of expression would
play a vital role. As parents too we need to keep the larger spectrum of
bringing up emotionally wholesome children. And for this we too need to give
our children the space, opportunity and time to develop in them the ability to understand, differentiate and
express their emotions without any fear or inhibitions, to give them a life
where they can be fearless in making choices and mistakes and grow up as
confident, compassionate and responsible adults. If we can do this then truly we can be proud of the freedom
and independence that our nation attained 66 years ago.
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